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I am writing because I want you to know why I am resigning as a referee for the league. Both of my daughters play and I gladly volunteered when the coaches for both of their teams needed parent volunteers to go to ref certification. I gladly gave up my entire weekend to sit in class and be tested by the USSF certifiers. I gladly accepted the certification and never really considered actually doing any games.
Then the referee assigner called me--he is a very nice man and said he was short of refs and would I please help out. I had some reservations--although I scored well in class and understood the rules, I had never played soccer and felt as if I was going to be quite vulnerable on the field as a ref. Because the referee assigner seemed like he needed help, I accepted and took 4 games that first weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed it! I thought I had finally found an outlet for my volunteering that I enjoyed--I liked helping the kids, I liked being outside and I liked the exercise. Although I am a single mom and I work full time, I thought I could do this because my kids were playing all day anyway on Saturday, and the referee assigner was willing to work with me to schedule games around their games. I did this for several weeks in the beginning of the season and had a blast.
Then I had my first game where the coaches and parents were yelling at me in a way that was not only offensive, but set a horrible example for the kids. I knew that if I could hear the parents and coaches while running around the field, then surely the kids could. I made the mistake of not yellow carding anyone because I thought it was an anomaly. Then it happened again. And then again. It even happened when I was working one of my daughters games because the ref did not show up--one of the coaches did not recognize me and started yelling at me for a call he did not agree with. In front of my daughter and her team mates. (The other coaches apologized for him--he has not said a word to me since).
In any event, I am not doing any more games because I am sick at the thought of being yelled at at an 8/ 9/10 year old soccer game by someone who 1. has not sat through the certification, 2. is angry at some other aspect of their life and brings it to kids soccer games, 3. probably knows less about soccer than my 2 year old lab.
Please note that I have not even gone to be reimbursed for any of the games I did--I didn't intend to. I also layed out almost $100 for a ref uniform and did not intend to get reimbursed for that either. I was doing it because I liked it--I liked working with the kids, I wanted them to have a ref at their games and learn the right way.
I know the referee assigner will be upset--I was routinely doing between 4-7 games for him on the weekends when I worked.
Something needs to be done about the behavior of parents at the games--and I am sorry to say the coaches need some help too. It is inexcusable that refs should be treated this way when they are volunteering their time to help the kids. After last Saturday, several of my friends have encouraged me to call the news and have them come undercover to some of our kids games. I don't want to do that--but maybe it would help for some of these people to see themselves on TV and realize how rude and ridiculous they are being. No wonder our league is short refs--who wants to volunteer to be abused on their time off??
Thanks for listening to my rant--
To CLSC coaches,
I'm requesting each of you to read the letter (above). I am sadden by the events described. The names used in the original document have been removed but the message remains. This is a parent who made an effort to respond to our need for referees. You can sense the desire to do the right thing and the best job possible from the words you read. You can also feel the pain and dissatisfaction that has been experienced. This type of sideline behavior has to stop. I want every parent at every game, but I want support from each parent for their child, for their team and for our program. I don't want abuse of any kind. I promise that I'm going to pursue some changes to address this problem, but I need every parents help and cooperation. As parents, as role models and as people who love the game we have the responsibility to change this behavior. I expect your full support. Thanks
Tom Wood, President CLCSC
Hi Bill,
Forwarded your msg. to "ALL" our Club Parents & Coaches with e.mails. I am also forwarding SBYSC comments/reply when they come in and here is one of them. Like-wise, I also agree that abusive Parents and/or Coaches should be given a yellow followed by a red card for poor behavior, sportsmanship, obnoxiousness and above abusive language. I have already 3 of my BU-16 players (my son included) refereeing and another 3 or 4 more wanting to get into the next Ref. classes session. I'd hate for them to quit prematurely !
Regards,
Francisco Boquer
SBYSC-Registrar
I understand this persons despair completely. I have been in Soccer for close to 12 years and been a coach, board member, referee, and volunteer throughout that time. Earlier this season I had a game (U-9) with a team where the coach and a parent on the that team attacked the referee verbally so bad he stopped the game early. I tried to calm the coach but then he verbally attacked me. At halftime I talked to the referee and told him he could use his cards to get control of he game and sidelines if needed. He was new and I talked him into calling the game, it was his first. He was extremely concerned with the parent on the sideline so I approached the sidelines with the parents and asked them to please refrain from yelling at the referee. I was laughed at and the second half was as bad as the first. I sent an e-mail to BAYSA and BASRA first time in my 12 years. I was expecting this person to be that new kid but its not the same one. I am thinking seriously about getting back into the referee ranks just to help control this. I am not hesitant to use yellow or red cards as needed.
David LeGrand with SBYSC
I know how far parents can go and how abusive they can become. I have seen it with my own two eyes.
One of my parents got a red card which eventually was given to me. This cause one of our games to be forfeit and almost cost us the playoffs. This incident did calm the parents down a lot!!!! It also made me so mad that I told my parents that if this incident ever happens again, they will be out of my team. They now stay pretty much quiet and calm.
I think referees should be encouraged to give red cards at what ever cost. This will calm the parents, the coaches and everybody else. It is a shame that the kids do behave better than the parents, but it is a fact.
Jeanneth Leighton
Head Coach SBYSC
GU-11 "LIGHTNING"
Mr. Snell:
I just read your e-mail concerning referees. Please take a minute and help me. I have taken great pride in the sportsmanship that I have instilled in my players, coaches and parents. Even though it is difficult to control every negative remark, I feel my team and their spectators have done a decent job. So, if I was being singled out with your e-mail please tell me what my team did. I have thought about your letter and can't place a situation similar to the one described, but I as a coach would be most unhappy with the behavior described.
I have coached for five years and loved every minute, until this soccer season. I, like this referee, have witnessed very unsportsman like behavior, and am not pleased at all with the organization of this season. I keep evaluations on every game. Most games are called very fairly and there are few problems. Everyone, even experienced veterans make mistakes. It is part of human nature. What upsets me is the anger that people(in general) have in sports. I don't know how to control these people, but I agree something needs to be done. There are many people who think that winning soccer games at this level is a life or death situation. Perhaps they have not faced severe problems, for if they did, they would realize that this is a game of recreational soccer.
My daughter is also a referee for you. I have heard spectators brutally discuss her refereeing. Ironically, I don't see any of these angry people stepping up to call games. Since being sidelined with an injury, we are still undecided if she will ever call a game again. As a parent, I don't see why I should subject her to the caddy remarks and needless comments. I will say she benefited from the negative behavior. There is little anticipation on my part that she will ever lose control during a sporting event for fear of looking as ridiculous as some of the people she has seen on the soccer sidelines.
Again, please notify me if my team was involved, for I will ask that parent to leave my games.
Thank you,
Susan Reitmeyer
Santa Fe Youth Soccer Scorekeeper
Coach- U-9 boys Santa Fe Shooters
Bill,
I am certainly very glad for this to be brought forward. I think that if more referees would take the time to write such an essay and let us post it, then I believe that it may allow some of the good parents to apply pressure to the awful ones. I will gladly post this on my web site and the baysa.org site. I spoke with a guy who I've known for a long time who he and his daughter referee for us quite regularly. She was ready to quit Sunday due to a couple games that she did over here in Deer Park. The bad part about it was that it was not even our home team parents that were giving her grief, but rather visiting parents. Anyhow same issue different referee.
One question was this referee doing games in East Belt. If so, I would love to know the teams that were giving them problems. I can assure you that they would get a talking to.
Thanks for the email.
Jason Atherton, President
East Belt Soccer
Bill, are you saying this occurred with one of my local referees or is this to all of the leagues? I can't do anything about it unless I have specifics regarding the coach involved, or more information regarding the game #, teams involved, etc. I know that we have problems since I have experienced them myself in games when refereeing. However, I have been very aggressive, as other members of the TCSC board, in dealing with ref abuse and coach misconduct.
I can say that there is a lot of animosity "brewing" regarding the lack of referees at games in Texas City. Most of our 11-Aside recreational team games are not covered and rarely do we have a certified ref for 7 and 8 Aside games show up. The coaches are beginning to just get used to the fact that they may have to call their game. It saddens me as the club president that we had more refs certified from TCSC this season than in previous years, even met the BAYSA requirement for assignable refs, and our referee coverage in Texas City is worse than ever before. This fact certainly doesn't excuse any inappropriate behaviors, but the problem is fixing to not only be finding refs but also coaches willing to step-up and coach knowing that over half the time there won't be certified refs for their games.
Sincerely,
Scott C. Morgan, President
Texas City Soccer Club
Epilogue:
You will be happy to know that Bill was able to convince this referee to give it another try. If the responses this letter generated are any indication, things should be better now - for everyone.
Our thanks to this referee for so eloquently stating the problem, and for opening so many eyes to it.
Posted: 11/16/02
(If you wish to comment on this article, send a message to basra@basra-refs.org.)
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